But Mike Freedman raises his glass to GreenWashing and explains why it’s good for the environment.

HERE’S THE MOVIE. WE OPEN ON THE FACE OF A POLAR BEAR AND THE camera pulls back to show the poor bear marooned on a melting sliver of ice somewhere in the Arctic ocean. As haunting music swells, a sombre voice sounding like David Attenborough intones: “Global warming will be the death of us all, unless we change our ways. That’s why new GreenWash Washing Powder comes in a box printed with environmentally friendly ink.” The camera moves back, leaving our cuddly bear to his fate. The product fades as the music swells, augmented by a choir of humming angels. The voice tells us: “GreenWash. Be clean, be good.” If this advert, or ones like it, cut across our screens, the environmental lobby would squawk loudly, whilst I would give three cheers from the wings.